“Of all the things my hands have held the best by far is you” – Author Unknown.
Twelve months ago, I became a Mummy, after twelve hours of labour Harry came into my life and took over my whole world. It’s said, that when your baby is born you fall in love straight away, almost like there is a tangible magical spark and ‘bam!’ you will be full of warm fuzzy love. I’ll be honest, that feeling gradually built over time, straight away I felt overwhelmed, tired, scared, relieved but mostly curious about this small person… my son… who I’d just given birth to.
Life Before You
I’d not really considered what it takes to be a Mum before Harry was born, I mean, my Mum always makes it look so seamless… how hard could it be, right? I always knew that I wanted to start a family but that was about all that I’d considered. Before Harry was born, I had a busy job where both my time and energy were consumed in building a career. I’m proud of what I achieved, I did it for you Harry, but as many people do I struggled to separate myself from work and reality. This would often be at the expense of seeing my family and friends, with many of those relationships breaking down over time and haven’t managed to rekindle even now. Then, in March 2017 I found out that we were expecting, and our crazy, life changing journey began.
I wasn’t sure what to expect when I fell pregnant, it’s a beautiful but bizarre concept to get your head around. Growing a human being in your tummy, I’m still amazed when I think about it now. When he’s sitting on my lap and I think that a year ago he was all tucked up, snug and almost ready to come out and meet us. Although, my pregnancy was smooth it didn’t come without some speed bumps along the way. Firstly, I found out that I had Rhesus Negative blood. Secondly, I had Gestational Diabetes. When you find out you’re pregnant you think you know what to expect, you fall pregnant then it’s easy, carry on as normal, your waters miraculously break when you least expect it and you have a baby (just like in the movies) when the reality was I didn’t know anything, and it was would seem many others felt the same way. I know ‘they’ say don’t google it, but I don’t know what I’d have done without it! “What is Gestational Diabetes Dr Google??”
Every day before you arrived I wondered what you would look like, what would you be like and how desperately I wanted to make you proud. Then, just like that you arrived into our lives, you brought many sleepless nights, breastfeeding battles, endless nappy changes and pure, constant joy.
We. Can. Not. Get. Enough. Of. You! How can you already be turning one? The past year has gone so quickly, and I look back so fondly at all the memories we’ve made. Who knew you could feel such overwhelming joy watching someone drinking water while holding their own cup? Everyday, Harry you amaze me, your personality is electric, cheesy smile, infectious laugh, glorious tantrums and sleepy cuddles are but just some of the things you do that money just can’t buy. Are there things I’d do again? Absolutely. Are there things I’d do differently? Possibly. Would I ever change my decision to become a Mother? Never.
By Natalie Smith
Images by Natalie Smith